Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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