Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
