and you said cock pushups were impossible
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
