sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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