i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
After last night, I could never be a politician.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
there's paper in my vomit.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Randomize
