Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I think your dad took our porno
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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