She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize