just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i wish my penis had a tongue
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
