I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
