i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
