I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
