I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
We need to get me chipped asap
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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