I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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