someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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