forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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