Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
