I just saw a hot homeless man
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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