I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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