just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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