Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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