thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
