And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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