So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
