so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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