Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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