i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
