You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
