She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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