Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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