I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
