you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
