I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
