So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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