i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
