her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
