We named our party play list daddy issues
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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