i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Randomize
