Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
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