maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
