I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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