I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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