I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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