Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
