Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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