It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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