You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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