I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
