Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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