Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
