I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize