I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
