you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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