Betty ford says i'm here all night
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
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