You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
