Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
