I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
