Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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