you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
