what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
