I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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