So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
