I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize