the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
